A Naruto Day
by Lightningtrailblazer42
Summary: I don't know what 2 put here since I'm so bad at summaries... Anyways kindly read and review! Arigato!
1. Chapter 1

Story notes: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

All your ninja are belong to Kishimoto.

Spoilers for everything up to, and including the newest manga chapter.

A/N: This is NOT a pairing oriented fic.

* * *

"Tsunade-hime! What are you doing here?" The newly appointed Yondaime Hokage greeted his sensei's old teammate. Beside him on a bar stool, the Toad Sage was slumped over and softly snoring. He'd been out just long enough for a small pool of drool to start forming under his gaping mouth. It was relatively disgusting. The Yondaime was careful to keep the sleeve of his flame-trimmed coat from touching the slobbery mess.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She quipped, while taking a slightly unsteady seat on the other side of the unconscious sennin. She casually tossed her long blonde ponytails over her shoulders. "After all, this dump is nearly a day's travel from Konoha. Don't you have a village to run?" She quickly snatched what was left of the bottle of sake Jiraiya'd been working on when he passed out – rescuing it before it could be tainted by the growing puddle.

"Eh, heh," Minato scratched the back of his head in slight embarrassment, "well, the old man's got it covered for now. Ero-Sensei thought we should go out and celebrate my appointment to Yondaime, and wouldn't stop badgering me about it even though he knows I don't drink. I finally had to agree on the condition that if he was going to get drunk and make me look bad, we do it where no one we know will see us."

A sheepish grin spread across his face, a sweep of his hand taking in the water glass in front of him and the multitude of empty bottles surrounding his mentor like tiny cylindrical soldiers guarding his drunken sleep. "I'm kind of a role-model or something now, you know. On the upside, he agreed to lay off the peeping for the next few weeks if I came along and had at least one cup of sake. This way I'll have one less nuisance to deal with while I settle into the job."

Tsunade's grin slipped a bit as she offered him the now slightly more empty bottle from which she'd just poured herself a drink, "Well it doesn't look like you've held up your end of the bargain very well, Minato-kun. Don't you feel like celebrating the achievement of your dream?"

He blinked in confusion for a minute, thrown off a bit by the odd note of grief in her voice, before realizing her comment was in regards to the lack of a sake saucer in front of him. "Oh, well – It's a little embarrassing, but I really can't hold my liquor." He blushed a bit, then continued, "I figured I'd just let him drink himself stupid, and he'd never know if I'd actually had any or not."

His sheepish grin reminded her of Dan - Dan and her brother both, whom she had loved, and who wanted to become Hokage, but their dream had died with them, and Minato had achieved it instead.

"You know, a man should never go back on his words," was all she could think to say around the growing lump in her throat. Her grief was still as sharp now as it had been when she'd left the village. She hadn't really thought about how she might feel seeing someone else given the title of Yondaime when the two she'd loved and supported so much would never be the leaders or protectors of anything again.

Minato stared on in unmitigated horror as the lower lip of the usually ridiculously strong, drunken woman beside him began to tremble and her eyes got big and damp. If there was one thing that really disturbed the Yondaime, it was a ninja – especially a kunoichi (or a kitten, but that's an entirely different story) in emotional distress. He could take down whole armies of rock ninja single-handedly, but tears he just could not deal with. His usually sharp and strategic mind always short-circuited at the first signs of watery eyes, and then he'd begin to babble whatever random crap came into his head. This frequently made the situation worse instead of better, as the words weren't going through his brain for proper vetting, and Namikaze Minato wasn't naturally the most tactful person in the world.

On top of that, crying things made his insides wibble, and a man's insides should never go wibbily. It wasn't manly. If Stone or any of the other Hidden Villages ever learned of his ultimate weakness, all of Konoha would be doomed. When he'd talked it over with Sarutobi-sama (he couldn't, in good conscience, let himself be named Hokage with such a huge and easily exploited Achilles heel without disclosing it to the Old Man first), he'd seemed to think it wouldn't affect his ability to function as the village's leader.

Unfortunately, while diplomats and enemies on a battle field weren't likely to turn into sobbing, emotional wrecks in front of him, it seemed as though his sensei's former teammate – at least when she was heavily inebriated, which was pretty frequently now - had no compunctions about it. She'd begun to sniffle alarmingly on top of the trembling lip and doe eyes. Immediately his mind turned off in self-defense, and his mouth started emergency tactics to try and curb the impending emotional Armageddon.

To his future woe, he had no idea why his unwillingness to drink alcohol had made her so upset, so he had to do the only thing he could think of to alleviate his perceived reason for her sudden mood shift. He immediately accepted the bottle she was still offering. Before he could think about it any further, he found himself quickly downing it while alternately sputtering in distaste, babbling about how he'd never go back on his word ever again, and waving his free hand desperately in a fending-off sort of gesture.

Completely forgetting her troubles at the strange sight before her, Tsunade immediately broke into drunken giggles. "Slow down boy-o! You're going to choke. I thought you didn't drink?"

"Er, but you said-!" Minato blinked at the now empty bottle in his hand and shook it a little in bewilderment as his brain kicked back in. "Whew! Crisis averted!' "I don't, but-" he cut himself off again with a slightly confused frown, the previous few moments having been blanked from his memory to reduce the trauma to his psyche.

Tsunade's grin turned a bit predatory, "Don't worry about it Minato-kun. Here, have some more. Maybe that will jog your memory." She ordered another round and poured for him before he could really think of a good protest. "Now, how about some cards?"

"Cards, huh? I don't think you want to do that." Yondaime said, talking around the sake cup he hadn't taken from his lips since he'd picked it back up – it was easier to sip that way, after all. "I have completely weird luck with cards."

"Weird luck huh?" She frowned a bit jealously. How good could it be? She'd just have to get him good and soused before broaching the topic again. "Well – I know! Let's play a drinking game instead!"

Alarms immediately went off in his head, but unfortunately, he couldn't hear them over the happy humming of the "I love sake" song he'd just made up. Tsunade's grin turned a bit shark-like when her cute, blond new drinking buddy nodded happily, the most adorable alcohol flush spreading over his nose to kiss his cheeks.

Several bottles later, Tsunade decided Minato–kun looked awfully cute in the particularly seedy bar's dingy lighting, and he'd had the same dream as her other precious people, AND he was already Hokage so he couldn't be hit by the curse if she got just a little close to him…right?

Minato got progressively more and more Jiraiya like as he drank. He hadn't been lying about his tolerance level – the alcohol hit his system like a small, underfed, little girl from the poorest regions of Mist Country instead of like the manly warrior he was. He thought Tsunade-chan had awfully nice breasts and certainly didn't look anywhere near 40 with that awesome genjutsu of hers. Luckily, his words were so slurred by that point that she couldn't tell what he was saying so his skull remained intact.

An hour later, they left Jiraiya completely passed out at the bar and went back to Minato's room. In the morning, they both freaked out and agreed never to speak of, or even think about it again, as anything more specific than "The Incident" just in case someone developed some weird mind reading jutsu and decided to try it out on two of the strongest ninja of the era.

†

That might have been the end of it if Tsunade hadn't shown up a little over a month later in the village she vowed never to step foot in again and immediately knocked Konoha's newest Hokage through two walls and a convenient stack of empty crates. There's always a stack of crates when you need one. It's a law of the shinobi universe.

Sandaime blinked and looked back and forth between the new holes in Hokage Tower and his wayward student. Fires of unholy rage were burning around her form and licking away at the ceiling. Shizune-chan was begging her to calm down and tugging ineffectually at her sleeve to keep her from following the Yondaime's trajectory to lay down more Wrath of the Heavens on his poor confused head.

He looked across his desk at Jiraiya, but the Toad Sage seemed even more baffled than his mentor was. Probably because he couldn't believe he wasn't the target of Tsunade's violence for once. "Tsunade-chan, as happy as we are to see you back in the village, maybe you should explain what you are so angry about before you go after Minato-kun again. The ANBU get very nervous when the Hokage gets beaten up. They are supposed to be protecting him, you know."

Minato had impeccable timing. His abused successor climbed back in through the wreckage his body had made of the tower, while holding his ribs as if they pained him quite a bit. His unruly hair was even more ruffled than usual and his coat had torn in several places on the crates that had broken his fall. It was pretty clear he had no idea why he'd just been Convenient Crate no jutsu-ed.

Unfortunately for him, it was obvious by her single-minded focus on the subject of her rage that Tsunade hadn't even heard her mentor. "YOU! You complete and utter BASTARD!" Her hands shot out in terrible claws ready to strangle the poor fool who looked just as confused as the rest of them.

Shizune managed to slow the advance of her master enough to let Jiraiya interpose himself between his teammate and his student. Jiraiya was never one of his brightest pupils. Sandaime sighed.

"Hey, calm down and tell us what's going on! I don't know what you think Minato did to you, but I really think he's got to be innocent – he's been here the whole time and—"

"Here the whole time, EXCEPT for the NIGHT he spent at that shitty bar and even shittier inn with ME! The bar and inn YOU dragged him to!" The medic-nin verbally plowed over the top of Jiraiya in her rage, "-the night he got me PREGNANT!"

The heavy silence that fell over the five of them was perhaps only slightly lighter than the weight of the entire tower. Sandaime blinked. 'Well…this is surreal.'

"…" Even Jiraiya had nothing to say to that, his jaw hitting the floor just like the other men in the room until, "I guess I should have known you liked younger men. There had to be a reason you never seemed to fall for my manly charms."

Sarutobi smacked his palm to his face – partly out of embarrassment and partly so he wouldn't have to see the dismemberment of someone he considered something like a son.

"Y-you can't mean-" Minato stuttered, "The Incident? I-we-there's no way-"

"Tell that to my UTERUS you complete and utter BASTARD!"

Minato spared a small part of his mind to feel sorry for his sensei as Tsunade continued to take her anger out on the resident super pervert while she screamed at him.

"Tsu-Tsunade-sama, please calm down. All this stress can't be good for the baby." Shizune begged.

Surprisingly, it seemed to get through to her understandably violent mentor who made a monumental effort to try and control herself, her fist clenched and white knuckled, held trembling before her chest.

Minato looked ready to faint and slowly lowered himself to the floor against the ruined wall of his office. "A-are you sure? I mean-well, of course you're sure, you're a medic-nin, but how-I mean, well, of course I know HOW technically, but don't you have-er-do, or…well-By all that's holy, what are we going to do?!"

Tsunade's hard won sliver of control seemed to be quickly evaporating, "You'd better not be thinking beyond, 'who's it going to live with' and 'how are we going to explain it to the council?' because if you're thinking I'm going to get rid of it-!"

"NO! No, of course not!" she seemed a little soothed by his quick and vehement reply.

'Minato-kun is an orphan after all,' Sandaime thought, 'and so he places a high value on family.' He'd frequently talked about it, though the old man rather thought he'd been planning to start it off with that hot red-headed ANBU from Whirlpool rather than the hot tempered blonde Sannin looming over him like holy retribution. Tsunade, herself, had lost every family member she'd ever had, baring Shizune who would have been her sister-in-law if Dan had lived. She wanted family like people trapped in the Suna desert wanted water, but her fear of loss and overwhelming grief wouldn't normally let her get close to people anymore. That was probably the only thing that had saved Minato his membership card in the male club. She and Dan had planned to have kids right away, both really wanting children, and she'd probably thought that chance lost to her along with her lover.

The old man grinned. While this certainly threw a wrench in the works of both of their plans for the future, it just might prove to be a really good thing for both of them. On top of that, what kind of children would two power-house-shinobi like them produce? They'd be little monsters! Sandaime had visions of dandling amazingly strong warriors with god-like chakra control on his knees. He hid his growing smile behind his hand.

This time the silence was thoughtful. Minato was smart enough not to suggest Tsunade move back to the village right away, and for him, leaving was out of the question. Tsunade was no doubt dealing with warring emotions. She'd probably wanted him to say she could have the kid, no strings attached, but the growing brightness Sandaime saw in the young man's eyes wouldn't have gone unnoticed by the expectant mother even if she'd managed to overlook his reputation as the most honest and responsible man alive. Her child was going to have a loving father if Minato had any say in the matter, and if he knew her at all, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to be resentful of that – regardless of the circumstances of their child's conception.

Finally, the old man cleared his throat, breaking the tableau, and drawing the attention of everyone in the room, "Well, you've got over seven months to think it over. You don't have to make a decision today. Why don't you all go and think about it a little more? Give the news time to settle in and the shock to fade a bit."

Tsunade frowned. Sarutobi knew that look. It was her ridiculously stubborn one. "I'm not staying in this Cursed Village one minute longer than necessary!" she spat. "I'll be at Grandfather's retreat on the border, but don't think this lets you off the hook, Bastard!" The two current Hokage watched her step on the slowly rousing Jiraiya on her way out.

Shizune winced and hurried to follow her mentor, scooping TonTon up so the little pig didn't fall behind.

"Wow, I just had the most bizarre dream! You'd had a torrid one-night affair with Tsunade for some reason and managed to accidentally knock her up!" The Toad Sage exclaimed, sitting up and rubbing at the large and painful lump on his head. "Wow, Minato, those ribs look bad, maybe you should get them looked at."

Sarutobi sighed again. It was a good thing his pupil had an amazingly thick skull, or he'd have been killed ages ago; after all, it was hard to dodge monstrously strong punches and thrown pieces of rubble the size of one's head while simultaneously trying to yank your own foot out of your mouth.

* * *

†

Chapter end notes: Japanese Notes:  
-hime: suffix like "san" or "chan" meaning princess.  
Ero-: Used as a suffix here to mean 'perverted'  
Kunoichi: female ninja  
Eh, I think the rest of them are common enough in fanfiction for you all to know the meanings, come to think of it, I doubt any of you needed these either, but please let me know if I'm mistaken and I'll add to the definitions.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1 - Dealing with It:

Tsunade ended up spending the entire duration of her pregnancy in the small cottage her grandfather had built with his Mokuton jutsu for when he needed to get away from the bustle of a growing Konoha. Shizune stayed with her, and Minato made it a point to visit at least once a day to bring them supplies and check up on the baby. His trips became more frequent when Tsunade took to throwing one of his Hiraishin kunai (left with them for emergencies) every time she had a craving or just wanted to chew him out really good. The ingenious little seals inscribed on the three-pronged weapons let him know every time one was thrown, and he always showed up just in case *this time* it was important.

Tsunade seemed to be entirely ignoring the fact that it took two to Tango and was taking all of her frustrations and fear for the future out on Minato, but he couldn't work up the nerve to point that out to her. Her mood swings made rabid hungry weasels seem predictable and rational and his manhood was already threatened more times than he was comfortable with as it was.

Despite his predecessor's obvious hopes for them, Yondaime was pretty sure he and Tsunade would never get past a platonic sort of relationship. He frowned and idly tapped a pen against his desk as his shadow clones industriously read and signed off on paperwork throughout the room. There was the age gap to consider, but that was surmountable. It was Konoha, itself that he was sure would always be their hurdle even if they could find some sort of common ground for affection, and he couldn't see any way around it.

Regardless, his life was kind of on hold until they could figure out how to deal with all of this. He was really looking forward to being a father, but the situation constantly weighed on his mind. He was a man of action – charging in and getting things done. He'd never been forced to really put something this important on the back-burner before, but he dreaded the confrontation that would resolve it, especially since he had no idea where he should really stand and what he should fight for out of the many issues surrounding this situation. He was a completely confused mess, and he knew it.

If that wasn't enough, before all of this had happened, he'd been all set to finally go out with Whirlpool's Uzumaki Kushina, but he didn't really feel comfortable doing that when he couldn't be completely honest with her. Impending fatherhood is not really something you should start out a relationship hiding from your girlfriend, so he'd put her off with excuses about being busy with Hokage duties. Understandably she was getting impatient and not a little bit pissed since he'd been chasing her pretty hard until he'd found out about the baby. She'd probably decided he was a complete ass and moved on.

He sighed.

He couldn't really blame her, if she had, especially since he wasn't willing to risk a relationship with his child over anything, let alone a romance that wasn't even guaranteed to work. He had no delusions that Tsunade wouldn't bring it up romantic entanglements when they finally couldn't put this particular fight off any longer. She was a brilliant woman and he really felt like he needed to have all his ducks in a row if he wanted to get along congenially with the mother of his son or daughter and have any hope of convincing her he deserved access to the child just as much as she did. If he had to give up Kushina to be a parent, then so be it. It wouldn't really be fair to her to drag her into this mess anyway.

That being said, he'd be damned if he let Tsunade run off with his son or daughter, but he was sure she'd never agree to stay. Despite the lack of death and destruction during her most recent stay in the village, she was still adamant that she would never raise a child that close to Konoha, and he was sure she'd never be happy staying in Shodai's Retreat. The Hidden Village of the Leaf would forever be associated with taking from her everything she ever cared for, and she'd never feel comfortable with her kid so close to what she perceived as a cursed death trap. Especially if the kid was to frequently visit his father there. She was already going stir crazy in that small cabin. Minato sighed. He'd be lucky if she even managed to make it through the next few weeks until the birth.

If Tsunade were to frequently take the baby out of the village, as much as it hurt him to even think of it, he had to consider that it might be best for the kid if his or her paternity wasn't even known to the general public. He had no illusions as to how safe a child of his would be without him there to protect it. He'd never forgive himself if some Stone ninja went after his child in some twisted plot to get revenge on the Yellow Flash for his part in the Third Great Ninja War. Tsunade's reputation might serve to keep them off, but it might also make them even more determined not to let a child with that kind of pedigree reach an age where he could be dangerous.

He wished he could talk to Kakashi about it. His student had grown up under the shadow of the White Fang and on more than one occasion had to deal with grief-crazed shinobi bent on revenge for things his father had done. He wanted to know how he dealt with it and how often it happened, how easily the plots were thwarted – that sort of thing. He couldn't confide in the boy though. He couldn't tell anyone until he and Tsunade could talk it out, and at this rate, the kid would be Godaime by the time they both could even decide what it was they WANTED.

Yondaime's pen snapped at that thought and ink went spattering over everything. He cursed loudly then waved away the ANBU that came to investigate the commotion. Morosely he cleaned up the mess as best he could before turning back to the window and sinking back into his thoughts.

He'd probably be getting along better with Tsunade if she hadn't taken to abusing the Hiraishin kunai. He'd fallen off the ceiling once, been neck deep in one of Jiraiya's swamps TWICE (despite his occasional lack of self-preservation instincts, the Sage knew when to just shut up and do it without asking questions). He'd been summoned under Giant Slugs, in piles of garbage, and on one memorable occasion, halfway in the oven. Which was on.

For the most part, he was a good sport about it – she was carrying his baby, and he'd known better than to let her manipulate him into drinking that night, but it was getting really old and he'd had to come up with a lot of excuses for why he kept needing to procure new hokage robes. Additionally, it was hard to have a rational conversation with someone when you were dealing with second-degree burns over the lower half of your body, even if they were letting their apprentice heal you right away.

If that wasn't enough, he'd also been dealing with his Hokage duties, and someone had been setting the tailed beasts loose on various villages over the past few years. He'd had a side project going for a while now on something to counter it if it ever happened to Konoha, but he hadn't had a chance to work on it in months. It would probably work, but it would definitely kill whoever tried to use it, AND it still required a sacrifice to seal the demon in which was absolutely unacceptable in Yondaime's mind.

He was unceremoniously jerked out of his thoughts when the tower began to shake a little and off in the distance, in the exact direction of the Shodaime's retreat, the sky burned red.

Oh please no.

†

Fucking Kyuubi had the nerve to go rampaging through her grandfather's cottage - a small house that had stood testament to her ancestor's amazing skill with Mokuton jutsu since the founding of Konoha. She'd had a lot of fond childhood memories of that place. What's more, the damn Nine Tails had the utter gall to do it when she was just over 8 months pregnant and miles away from any defenses aside from Shizune whose poisons wouldn't do squat against a several stories tall monster made entirely of the chakra embodiment of pure malice.

Tsunade growled through the shooting pains in her back. She really did have the Worst Luck Ever™ and this sealed it, Konoha was definitely out to get her.

"We've got to keep going Tsunade-sama." Shizune urged her, doing her best to support her staggering mentor as they fled the destruction Kyuubi was causing behind them.

They'd gotten away from the house and started heading for the dubious safety of the village's walls in what had seemed like plenty of time. The giant oppressive cloud of hatred that preceded the demon along with his huge ass body, made it kind of hard to miss when he headed towards you. Unfortunately, the stress of his presence and the panicked flight from their refuge towards the last place in the world she'd ever feel safe had kicked the Slug Sannin into premature labor. This, understandably, slowed them down quite a bit.

"Fucking Minato – bastard couldn't make his jutsu work two ways could he? How much harder could that have been, huh?" She gasped. They'd been outside when they'd felt the first waves of the Bijuu's killing intent and had been more focused on escaping than going back to the house for the Hiraishin kunai, so even if the Yondaime HAD the foresight to make them work so they could summon other people to him, it wouldn't have done them much good.

That bit was lost on Tsunade though, as she had very little room for rationalizing through a haze of pain and fear. Especially when her legs gave out from under her during a particularly strong contraction only moments after her last one had stopped. "DAMNIT, we're not going to make it to the village, let alone the hospital." She gasped, "You're going to have to deliver this brat here. It's got to be a son. No girl would be this rude and pushy. He's going to take after that bastard of a father, I can tell!"

"Try to stay calm, Tsunade-sama. If the baby's ready to come now, then there's nothing for it. Remember to breath!" Shizune said. She'd been afraid something like this would happen.

"# $# of course I'm going to remember to breath!" Tsunade gritted out through clenched teeth. "Why do people always tell women in labor to do that?! If I ever say that to someone, I want you to kick me!"

Her apprentice ignored her with practiced ease, as she did her best to clear a spot on the forest floor, and laid out her outer robe to try and make her mentor more comfortable. Together they managed to get Tsunade arranged as best as possible, but the situation was definitely less than ideal. The baby was early enough that he'd be small, so despite the fact that this was her first child, the birth was likely to be fast.

They were fortunate that Tsunade was as far along as she was; the baby had a good chance of being healthy even if he was a bit early. There were medical jutsu which would have it set to rights in no time as long as he or she was developed to a certain point.

†

The baby was crowning by the time Minato managed to find them. He'd ditched his ANBU guard, sending them to the front, while he went to find out what had happened to his unborn child. He assuaged the waves of guilt he'd been feeling for letting his personal concerns trump his duty to the village, by telling himself that his baby might be the solution to all of their problems. The idea of what he would do if they could manage to force the child to be born before it was too late made him slightly ill, and the horror of what would happen to his precious village and everyone inside it if they couldn't warred for supremacy in his mind. He refused to think about how he'd convince Tsunade it was necessary if they had to induce labor, just as he refused to believe the high probability that he might not find her alive.

When he arrived in their little clearing to be met by the cries of his first born son and lack of resistance from his already very protective mother, well, that was it then. It had to be fate. There were no other women in the village due to naturally give birth soon enough, and all the current infants were older than a few hours into the world and so were unlikely to survive the process. His face was a mixture of sadness and the reflexive joy of all new fathers when he accepted the bundle of squirming infant from Shizune while the girl continued to work on her now unconscious master. It was easy to slip away and join Jiraiya and Gamabunta at the front lines. In the end, he supposed it didn't matter that they'd not made any concrete plans for their son's future before he actually arrived. There'd be very few choices now.

He'd have to be satisfied with getting to hold and name and see the tiny wonderful face of his legacy before he gave his life for a village he knew very well might grow to hate their tiny savior, but what choice did he have? "Forgive me, Naruto." He murmured.

As he lay dying after performing the massive sealing, he carefully kissed the top of his sleeping son's head and passed the baby to his sensei. He thought there might have been tears in Jiraiya's eyes, but his own vision was getting too hazy and he was too far gone for his usual panic response. "You're a godfather, Sensei." He gasped. "Make sure they know your godson's a hero." And with those final words, the Yondaime died.

†

By the time Tsunade got her first look at her baby, he'd already been given the unfortunate name of a hero from Jiraiya's new book, lost his overly noble father who didn't even have the decency to build up a respectable alcohol tolerance, and been saddled with the most perverted, free-loading, horrible godfather in the history of perverted, free-loading, horrible godfathers. She hoped this wasn't a sign that her son had inherited her luck.

Shock from seeing blood of which she was phobic and giving birth less than a mile from where the most powerful of the tailed beasts had been tearing through the village's defenses hadn't been very good for her health, and she'd passed out rather quickly near the end of the ordeal. On the upside, she thought she'd somewhat come to grips with the blood thing, as this experience with it had brought her the most perfect, precious, bundle of blond joy she'd ever seen.

She'd managed to sleep through the trip back to Konoha, which had probably been pretty uncomfortable both for herself and Shizune, who'd had to carry her, and she'd also managed to miss the anxiety of knowing what that crazy bastard was doing with her poor Naru-chan before she knew he'd come safely out of it. There was no way in hell she'd have agreed to it if she'd known, but she was happy to be spared the worry during the whole ordeal.

This and the lingering discomfort of having just given birth no matter how good your healer happens to be probably saved quite a few lives in the aftermath of Tsunade learning just what she'd missed while she was out. An enraged Tsunade was something the shinobi of Konoha had learned to deal with, but an enraged Tsunade protecting her son was on an entirely different level, and something they wouldn't witness for many years to come. As it was, she was grumpy, but holding her small, but perfectly healthy-but-for-the-demon-sealed-in-his-belly son kept her from completely flying off the handle. In fact a strange sense of contentment and peace had settled on her despite what Minato's actions might mean for their kid's future.

The baby in her arms opened and closed his tiny fists and moved his head a little. It was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen. Tsunade quietly cooed at her son from their place on a rather uncomfortable cot in a little forgotten room in Hokage Tower. After the stunt his dad had pulled, there was no way she'd let herself be seen with an infant anywhere near Konoha for a rather long time. People might put two and two together and get Kyuubi-vessel, and she wasn't having any of that, so her only option was hiding out for the duration of their stay here.

Come to think of it, she was really glad they hadn't told anyone about the baby for a variety of reasons. A) no one was supposed to know Kyuubi had been sealed into a kid, and therefore everyone knew and wanted to kill it, and B) letting the world know the greatest medic-nin in history and granddaughter of the Shodaime had procreated, however accidentally, with Konoha's infamous Yellow Flash, directly relating the boy to all but one of the Leaf's, (known for its strong ninja) strongest ninja and one of its Sannin was probably ranked pretty high up there on the Bad Idea Scale™. Really Strong Ninja tended to collect Really Strong Enemies like old men collected stamps.

Tsunade inwardly cursed Minato, despite the fact that it wasn't good to think or speak ill of the dead. He might as well have painted a giant bull's-eye on poor Naru-chan along with the fancy-ass seal.

Hopefully, if she played her cards right and managed to get out of Konoha without anyone the wiser, everyone would just think she had became another one of the many kunoichi who decided to have a kid of her own without unnecessarily tying herself down to someone else. That kind of thing wasn't exactly an oddity in a world full of highly independent women who were trained to have illicit affairs for information and infiltration purposes or hold on to clan positions which needed heirs without the complications of marriage and possible loss of political power to a spouse not of their blood. It wasn't uncommon at all for high ranking and politically powerful women to have children and give them the maternal family name, so if they played their card right Senju Naruto shouldn't raise too many eyebrows.

For the second point, ideally most people would just assume that the Kyuubi kid was just some random brat pulled off the street rather than the son of two of their most prestigious heroes. When he failed to make his presence known, they'd no doubt think that he disappeared, probably killed by someone who didn't want to take credit for it and get himself executed for breaking the soon to be announced Fourth's Law of secrecy.

No one knew his name or what the infant had looked like, bundled up as he'd been on the battle field. So as long as they didn't have to see him and be reminded of the terrifying force of nature held at bay in such a tiny, fragile body, human nature dictated that they'd probably be quick to forget about him. Out of sight, out of mind. Celebrate Naruto-kun's birthday on his original due date, and presto – no one the wiser. After all, everyone knew Tsunade had a huge aversion to returning to her home village so it would seem unlikely that she and her newborn son would have been there during the attack.

If her kid happened to look a great deal like Konoha's favorite martyred hokage, well, his mother was blonde too, and she'd been through lots of places with predominately blue-eyed people in her travels. Maybe his father was from Lightning Country. The coloring wasn't that uncommon over there.

Her fierce grin slipped a bit as she took in all the ways her baby obviously took after his father. Though still a bit red, it was evident that his complexion would be darker than hers, and that bright shade of yellow hair was all Minato. She'd be willing to bet his eyes were going to brighten up rather than darken when they settled into his adult color. If you ignored the whisker-like birthmarks on his cheeks, he'd probably end up being a tiny Yondaime clone. She sighed, 'well, at least those aren't likely to give him away either. Lots of ninja families have weird markings. Just look at an Inuzuka.'

Looking at Naruto, it was hard to believe the Yondaime was gone and her sweet little baby was the jailor for a massive, malevolent demon. The cheeky blond punk had been a constant annoyance and source of anxiety for her for the last several months, but she had faith in Minato's ability with seals, and even more faith in his love for his son. After all, she'd had to deal with his constant cooing at her stomach, babbling of possible baby names (including the one he'd stuck the kid with – damn that Jiraiya, it was somehow his fault, she was sure!), and for the sake of little Naruto, now sleeping so peacefully in her arms, he'd even put up with her messing with him by summoning him in as many different, uncomfortable, and embarrassing situations as she could think of with that trick kunai of his.

She'd never given him a chance, she realized, too worried about him demanding to keep their baby and with his village behind him, having the power to take yet another bit of her family away from her. It was extremely ironic that now, he was the one who'd never get to see his little boy grow up.

Looking out the window at the city Minato had sacrificed himself to save, the same city all her loved ones gave their lives for, as it struggled to deal with its devastating losses and revive itself from the wreckage, she couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about her decision to totally alienate herself and her son from Konoha. She'd never seen before what was so great about it that they all had felt it was worth their lives to govern and protect. But both she and Minato had been born here, grown up here, been ninja here, and though many of her loved ones had died here too, this village had given her Naruto and in a way, her loses had been a part of that. If she hadn't been feeling so sorry for herself that night, she'd never have fallen into bed with Jiraiya's prize pupil.

Maybe someday, if he wanted it really badly, she'd let Naruto come back long enough to become a ninja of the Leaf. Knowing her luck, odds were the kid would be genetically predisposed for obsession with hokage-hood anyway. What was the point of fighting against inevitability?

…But definitely not until he could properly defend himself – at least chuunin level…maybe jounin, or ANBU. No, he'd definitely have to be Sannin level first. She nodded to herself, yeah, that was reasonable; no one could fault her for that logic. "What do you think Naru-chan?" she whispered to her sleeping son, "should we go wake up Shizune and get out of this hell-hole?"

Naruto slept soundly in reply, after all, he was a newborn – they really only had three modes at that stage of development. She took this for tactic agreement.

Tsunade levered herself up off of the cot, careful not to jostle the tiny bundle in her arms, and padded silently towards the door. Jiraiya, when he'd had a chance to stick his head in earlier, had informed her that her apprentice had fallen asleep almost as soon as she'd drug them into the tower. She'd been exhausted from stress, the birth, and healing Tsunade in its aftermath – not to mention the amount of effort it had taken to be stealthy while trying to get them to hiding without being seen by anyone in the general confusion. She'd been given the room next to Tsunade's so she wasn't too hard to find.

Once informed of the situation, Shizune was extremely apologetic about the whole, 'handed your baby to a man who sealed a demon in him' thing, but in her frantic efforts to save her master she hadn't really thought twice about giving the baby to his father to hold. Who could blame her? Well, Tsunade could, and it would have been ages before Shizune lived it down enough to be trusted to babysit her precious Naru-chan if infants had been allowed in bars and/or casinos. As it was, in the years to come she got plenty of one on one time with her beloved adopted nephew.

* * *

Chapter end notes:

Japanese Notes:

Hiraishin – the name of the Yondaime's famous teleporting technique

Bijuu – one of the tailed demons.

Again, I think those are the only words some people might not know, but if I missed anything, please feel free to inform me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2 - A Little Over a Year Later:

No, no, Naru-chan! Don't chew on that. That's Kaa-san's lottery ticket." Tsunade scolded her precocious toddler. The kid had a knack for physical things and getting into trouble. He'd rolled over early, crawled early, and started walking almost immediately after. From the way he was eyeing the tops of the shelves in the convenience store they'd stopped in to buy supplies, she knew it wouldn't be long before he was scaring the shit out of her by seeing how many things he could fall off of without breaking his head.

He undoubtedly took after his father. There wasn't a self-preservation bone in his little body.

Shizune liberated the now soggy bit of paper from her nephew's mouth and frowned to see he'd managed to scratch off a bit of it. The poor guy was teething like mad and nothing was safe from his tiny fangs. He had, oddly enough, gotten his canines in before his front teeth.

Tsunade juggled her purchases while trying to put her wallet away and stared fondly at her apprentice and son. Shizune was taking a closer look at the ragged ticket while trying to keep Naruto from grabbing it back in chubby fists. Suddenly her eyes grew large and she exclaimed, "Tsu-Tsunade-sama! You won!"

"WHAT?!" she nearly dropped the bags of groceries she'd just paid for. "Let me see!"

"Technically, the kid just won." The amused store clerk pointed out, "he's the one that scratched it off. You've got quite a lucky little guy there, yes, you do! Who's a lucky little guy?"

Babies turned most people into even larger idiots than they normally were. It was Tsunade's Rule of the Universe number 46. She was working on a theory that the maternal or paternal instincts in adult humans overrode at least 20% of their normal brain function when in the presence of miniature versions of themselves. The vocabulary centers were the first to go. No one was immune.

"Orange!" Naruto cheered, that being his favorite all-purpose word. He used it for everything for which he had no existing vocabulary and sometimes for things he just thought were more "orange", than whatever the rest of the world felt they should be named. He'd even called Jiraiya "orange" until his mother had taught him the word "pervert."

Finally able to set the bags down without upsetting anything, the Legendary Sucker snatched the winning ticket from Shizune's hand and stared at it. "I'll be damned." Well, it was only fair, she supposed, in the cosmic scheme of things, if the kid got his dad's recklessness, it should be balanced out with proportionally good luck.

Somehow, this didn't make her feel better.

Probably because Naruto had begun eagerly pointing to the tops of shelves again, and yelling "Orange!" excitedly.

Tsunade handed the ticket back to the clerk to cash it out and wasn't surprised when the woman didn't even flinch at its kind of disgusting state. She would have had to stop cooing ridiculously at a dumbfounded Naruto in order to notice.

She and Shizune always made it a point to talk to the kid as if he were a real person whenever they could free themselves from the Baby Effect. This caused Naru-chan to be supremely confused when other adults babbled in length at him in high-pitched, nonsense phrases for great lengths of time as the store clerk was doing. He got the most adorable look on his face and those huge blue eyes blinked several times as if he were trying to puzzle out what kind of strange disease she had and if it were contagious.

"What that?" he asked, pointing at the starry-eyed woman as his mother pocketed his winnings and picked up the bags of groceries again.

"That's a babbling moron, Naru-chan! Can you say, 'moron'?"

"Sensei! Stop teaching my nephew to insult people!"

"Orange!"

They left the store to the indignant sputtering of the offended woman behind the counter.

†

Back at the small house they were renting by the month, Tsunade took Naruto from her apprentice while Shizune went to put the supplies away. With a somewhat steady income generated by the lack of a blood phobia preventing Tsunade and Shizune from privately hiring out their healing services or working at local hospitals or clinics whenever they needed ryo, they'd taken to staying in places for much longer than they'd been used to because all the parenting books said kids needed stability.

She was pretty sure the authors of the books had never seen a baby thrive on absolutely everything like Naruto did.

He wasn't scared of a damn thing and absolutely loathed routine. Every time he had a new experience, or they went somewhere he'd never been before, he damn near wet himself in excitement. He was the single most vibrant and simply alive thing she'd ever run across. There was no way something as terrible as the Nine Tails could be influencing the brat. He wouldn't know hatred if it walked up to him and started making faces and babbling like that store clerk.

She hadn't seen a single sign of the Kyuubi influencing her son's actions, and she'd been looking. She wanted to be ready if they had to track down Jiraiya and get him to look at the seal.

So far, the early teething and whiskered birthmarks were the only things that even showed her son wasn't a normal, unpossessed, baby. The seal was always visible, which worried her a little since Jiraiya had seemed to think it should only show up when his chakra was active, but his energy flow was really steady for a toddler's, something that ran in her family, and she hadn't ever sensed the demon at all. Of course, that also contradicted Jiraiya's theories about the seal. He'd seemed pretty sure the fox would manage to throw Naru's control all to hell by constantly throwing bits of his chakra into the normal coils, a downside to the seal's natural, built in ability to slowly merge the power of the Bijuu with the boy over time.

If that were the case, Tsunade's medic senses should have been able to feel it, at least every now and then, but she'd hadn't noticed even the normal, spurts and starts most children – at least those not directly descended from the Shodaime – seemed prone to. Unfortunately, she wasn't a Hyuuga, so she couldn't be sure what exactly was going on, but a few of her jutsu could give her a pretty good picture, and it seemed to her that the toddler's body was dealing with his prisoner much better than expected.

Nevertheless, she'd put the word out that she wanted to see her old teammate about something important, and she expected him to show up looking for free food and board any time now.

Naruto yawned as they padded through the house and she decided to put him down for a nap. He usually balked at naps like you had suggested he bathe in filth instead of rest for an hour or two, but he was still only a baby and he got sleepy in the afternoons. They'd found if they didn't mention the word "nap" and just sort of wandered around the house holding him until he dozed off, it saved everyone a lot of accusatory exclamations of "Orange!" and heart-wrenching pouty faces. It was something about the too large blue eyes and sun-colored hair. No one was cold hearted enough to resist that face.

It had been really useful in getting away from debtors, actually. "You don't need the money right now, do you?! Look at that face! You can't take money away from me that I could be spending on him!" The Baby Effect definitely came in handy, despite its inherent annoyances.

Naru-chan's eyes had closed now and he'd begun to chew on her shirt absently in between soft snores. Tsunade grinned. He was just too damn cute, even when he was drooling all over her favorite green gambling coat.

She gently laid him down and smoothed a few locks of blond hair out of his eyes, frowning a bit at the odd emerging birthmark on his right cheek. If it continued to darken, it might obscure the whisker marks somewhat on that side, but it was kind of strange. She wondered if Minato had been related to some Inuzuka after all.

The quiet mother and son moment was broken by the sound of the outside door slamming open and a cheerful greeting of, "Hey, Shizune-chan! What's for lunch?" ringing through the hall.

Naruto's eyes immediately popped open and he snapped up like a jack-in-the-box, hands making grabby motions to his mother to be picked up and carried to see the visitor, "Ero-jiji!" he begged, practically vibrating in happiness and Tsunade sighed. It was nice that the two got along so well, Jiraiya was his godfather, after all, but she swore on the blood of her ancestors, if that bastard influenced her son into being a pervert, she'd make sure he'd never be able to enjoy those tasteless books he wrote EVER AGAIN.

"Where's my little godson?!" said pervert boomed, strolling into the room like he owned the place. Tsunade couldn't begrudge him when she saw Naruto's eyes light up even more, if that were at all possible.

†

Jiraiya's brows furrowed in thought as he studied the seal on the toddler's stomach. The little tyke had been all too happy to ditch his shirt. You couldn't keep clothing on the kid to save your life unless you reminded him that big, strong ninja always wore their shirts for their mommies and didn't argue about eating their peas.

For a moment, he was baffled. The seal seemed to be working absolutely perfectly and just how it had been designed to function. The only explanation he had for its constant visible state was if the kid were constantly molding chakra for some reason, which even his age aside, was pretty much impossible. He'd heard that some of the rarer blood limits dealing with elemental manipulation could cause a constant, small drain on the bearers, but Yondaime and Tsunade weren't carriers of any special traits that he was aware of aside from the usual flavors that ran through certain ninja family lines - advanced chakra control in Tsunade's case, and speed in Minato's.

The kid was too young for the speed, even if it had developed into something on the level of a bloodline in his father. While his chakra flow was a little steadier than most kids his age, that could be explained by practice and the small natural aptitude males of the Shodaime's line inherited – he was always using it for whatever the hell it was doing so it made sense that he'd be pretty good at it. Jiraiya doubted this was a sign of his mother's godlike control.

Besides, control didn't explain what the chakra was doing, or why Kyuubi's essence was entirely undetectable in the kid. The fox was in there – he knew that, he'd seen it sealed with his own eyes, and the kid had the whiskers to prove it.

Idly, he tried to brush what looked like a large smudge of dirt off of Naruto's cheek while he thought.

Hmm, the damn spot was kind of stubborn.

He rubbed harder and Naruto began to wiggle in protest.

"What the hell have you been playing in Naru-chan?" the older man frowned, squinting at the stubborn stain – it almost looked like it was underneath the skin…and the shape was kind of weird.

Tsunade was shocked speechless when she came in a few minutes later. "Jiraiya, are you drawing on my baby's face with a marker? That had better be non-toxic! …and washable!" her fist clenched and began to rise slightly.

"Wait, wait! I can explain!" he hastily backpedalled, babbling in his haste to avoid dismemberment and change the subject; in truth, he didn't know if the marker was washable, but he wrote himself notes on his hand with it all the time, so he was sure it was safe. Sometimes he didn't have paper on hand when great inspiration for a novel happened to strike. "I think I figured it out, and you're not going to believe it!"

"You figured out what's wrong with Naruto's seal by drawing a weird floral design on his face?" He could tell she didn't believe him because her face wasn't looking any less thunderous, and the heavy threat of violence still hung in the air around her.

"I didn't draw it, I TRACED it, and it's not really that floral – I think they're more like vines and leaves. It's not clear enough to tell, yet." He hurried to explain.

It didn't take her long to connect the darkening spot on Naru-chan's cheek with Jiraiya's stint at face painting. She leaned down and squinted at the design, though it was hard to get her son to cooperate and turn his head properly so she could see it in the light. He seemed to have given up on understanding adults some time ago, and decided they must be playing a new game that involved grabbing each other's faces.

"Shit." Tsunade finally agreed, "What the hell?"

"You'd have to do a bloodlimit test to be sure, but from what I can tell, there's no other explanation." Jiraiya grinned, "Shodaime's Mokuton and Bijuu controlling abilities have turned into a properly inheritable kekkei genkai. The sort of one that acts at least somewhat subconsciously, and is always at work keeping the Kyuubi in line."

Tsunade frowned and licked her finger to rub at the marker on her little boy's face in the kind of utterly gross gesture only mothers can get away with, "That would explain why Grandfather's techniques weren't copyable and hadn't presented themselves until now. It's not uncommon for something like this to go dormant for a generation or two while it transforms from a specific individual's genetic predilection into a family trait. Many of the clans started that way."

"Yeah, well – I don't care about the specifics. This is great!" Jiraiya exclaimed, "He's got a natural talent for dealing with the Fox! It might not ever bother him at all! He might not even know he's got it! The natural drain might even act like chakra pool training. The kid's capacity will be HUGE before he ever even learns to use it"

Tsunade didn't seem to be sharing his enthusiasm, "Well, I guess, but it would probably make his Mokuton jutsu harder to use, the kekkei genkai would almost have to multi-task to keep the fox's raw chakra from leaking out with the assimilated chakra; on top of that, what if he ever does use Kyuubi's power? His natural system is built almost as its antithesis. There's no telling what kind of effects that would have."

Jiraiya frowned, "Good point. Well, I can't say one way or the other. All I can tell you is that the seal is working exactly as it was designed to do, and that birthmark on his face looks an awful lot like plant-life to me. I'd put money on it being the physical manifestation of a bloodlimit, and something's keeping Kyuubi's chakra from only getting into the kid's system after it's been completely changed over into his own chakra type. Signs point to Mokuton."

Naruto seemed to have sensed the seriousness of the situation and instead of squirming around and trying to grab their faces; he'd taken to chewing on a lock of Jiraiya's long white hair. His huge eyes stared up at them solemnly.

"I'll use the kekkei genkai testing jutsu," Tsunade stated, "but I'm inclined to agree with you. I guess we'll just have to see what kind of effects this has on him in the long run."

"Want Orange." Naruto complained as Jiraiya tried to deprive him of his current chew-boy.

Confusingly, but not surprisingly, 'Orange' was also the name of the boy's favorite stuffed toy – a red frog with stylized black lines running over its plush body. He always wanted it when the adults around him had him upset, though he wasn't nearly as attached to it as Jiraiya'd heard some kids got to things like that. He'd bought it for the brat's birthday because it reminded him of Minato's favorite small summon, and he wanted the kid to have as many small bits of his father as he could manage to give him. The sage was surprised to see it was still in pretty good shape when they finally managed to find it under the bed's dust ruffle.

"He loves this damn thing." Tsunade muttered, attempting to knock some dust-bunnies off of it before giving it over into Naruto's grabby hands. "You and Orange go help Shizune in the kitchen." She commanded the little boy, lifting him up and tapping his butt in a playful swat to get him moving. The kid giggled like a lunatic as he took off on short, chubby legs, dragging Orange by large plush flipper, and yelling for his 'Zune.

"Were you ever that cute as a kid?" He knew he shouldn't have said it as soon as the words left his mouth, but he'd never been very good at not saying the wrong things around her.

†

Later that night, with Naruto safely tucked into bed with his ironically fluffy frog toy, the adults sat around the kitchen table with sake (in Jiraiya and Tsunade's case) and tea (for Shizune).

"Well, the jutsu confirmed it." Tsunade said, taking a small sip from the saucer in front of her. She'd cut back a lot since she'd had her son, but she still really liked to indulge. Gambling just wasn't the same without sake, after all.

"So Shodaime-sama's ability to perform Mokuton jutsu has become a kekkei genkai in Naru-chan?" Shizune fiddled with her cup, "I never would have expected –"

"Well, we don't know exactly how it's going to manifest now that it's a bloodlimit rather than just a natural proclivity. It could be more or less powerful and controllable. It might even have entirely different effects. Odds are it's still plant-based, and it definitely effects demon chakra. That's about all we know for sure." Tsunade clarified.

Jiraiya nodded in agreement. "You can never tell with a new bloodline limit; that's why a lot of ninja families never try to develop their natural skills into more advanced genetic ones through breeding and stuff, like established clans with known bloodlines do."

"I see." Shizune looked thoughtful. "This isn't going to be unhealthy for Naru-chan, is it? I know it hasn't hurt him so far, but if I understand what you told us about Yondaime-sama's seal, it's built to let him use the Nine Tail's power to some extent. What if it reacts violently to his system?"

Tsunade nodded, she'd picked well in Shizune. The girl had real talent and the smarts to back it up, "We already talked about that. There's really nothing we can do about it until we have more information. It may never come up. It could be that Naruto's body will simply not allow that part of the seal to activate."

"-What if he's really hurt, or runs out of chakra?"

"…Well…then, that could be bad."

"If it comes to that, there's always a five point seal. It should block off Kyuubi's chakra completely, but it could also throw his system out of whack so I don't want to try that unless it's necessary. He's managing the fox much better than I ever dreamed possible as he is, and I'm a big fan of 'don't fix what isn't broken.'"

Tsunade had to agree, she just hoped it didn't come back to bite them all in the asses later. She'd never forgive herself if Naruto died and they could have done something to prevent it.

†


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3 - The Terrible Twos:

"Naru-chan, it's time to put on your shoes and get ready to go to the clinic with your Kaa-san, and me!" Shizune said. Her cute adopted nephew/brother figure had recently had his second birthday and was already well into his "terrible twos" stage. Tsunade claimed if she heard the word 'No' one more time, she was going to go completely insane and start setting fire to things. Shizune decided it was probably best if she took over the majority of the Naruto-related duties until he grew out of it a bit.

Speaking of her mentor's currently least favorite word…

"No." Naru-chan said. His face set in an adorably obstinate little pout. He had a hold of TonTon's vest and seemed to be trying to hide behind the small pink pig.

"You know we do this every day Naru-chan! Kaa-san and I have to go to work so we can buy you things and pay for the house. Now, let's get your shoes on you…" She leaned down and reached over TonTon, but Naruto sidled around the pig. Shizune frowned and turned to catch him, causing TonTon to turn, causing Naruto to giggle and dance sideways as well. This went on for several minutes until she finally lunged over the poor traumatized pet to snatch the toddler up.

He squirmed and protested, but she finally got him sat down on the couch and started to put his shoes on him. She was stopped from putting his left shoe on after his right one had been fastened, by his shirt hitting her in the face. "Naru-chan! NO! We don't take our clothes off except for baths and sleeping! Remember? If you do that, you'll have to wear the onesies again!"

"No!" He looked horrified. "Bad 'Zune!"

She scrunched the shirt back up and pulled it back over his head, helping him get his tiny arms through the holes. "Don't call me 'bad', Naru-chan! You know you're not supposed to do that! Be a good boy and wear your clothes and let me put your shoes on you, and you can have a treat later."

"Orange?"

"Yes, you can take Orange with you too."

"K." He stuck his thumb in his mouth and looked up at her with his angelic little face. Seeing him like that it was hard to believe he'd been terrorizing the house all morning.

She stood up and turned for a second to get his jacket when she felt something hit her in the back of the head. "Ouch!" she spun around to find no toddler on the couch and a tiny pair of shoes laying discarded on the floor, one of which had just be used as an impromptu projectile. The imp had good aim for a baby. She had to give him that.

She sighed and followed the trail of discarded clothes to find her charge attempting to scale a tree naked but for his diaper in the backyard. This was going to be a long day.

†

Tsunade cursed as they tried to make their way through the busy streets of Grass Country's capital city. This move had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Grass country was plagued by easy to deal with things like allergies. It was mostly flat, relatively dry plains, so there wasn't a lot of rain or standing water, so sicknesses didn't really stick around or get carried by bugs too often. Add to that the fact that the boring terrain made injuries minimal, and it was a lazy medic's dream. She figured that the most a medic would have to deal with was the occasional mauling by a predator hiding in the thick vegetation to ambush random passersby. Best of all, without any significant geographical features to bring in tourists, the whole country was dotted by world famous casinos and other attractions in order to compensate.

What she'd failed to take into her calculations when deciding on their current relocation, was the fact that everyone else thought it was a good idea to move here too, or at least visit really often. The place was PACKED. Idiot cart drivers were everywhere, cursing at each other and proving a danger to themselves and pedestrians. She saw more cart accident victims than she'd dealt with sunstroked people in the month they'd lived on the border of Sand before Naru'd been born. It was Rule of the Universe Number 34 that people automatically lost 10 I.Q. points the second they got behind the reigns of a cart, and some people just didn't have 10 I.Q. points to lose in the first place.

After five minutes of waiting for a gap in traffic so they could cross over to the space they'd rented to set up a small clinic, Tsunade had finally had enough. "Naru-chan, what Mommy is about to do it Very Bad. When you're old enough to demolish things, don't try it, okay?"

The little boy nodded solemnly. Shizune quickly opened her mouth to protest, but it was too late, she'd already put a fissure in the road upsetting two carts and causing a complete stand-still in the traffic. There were loud curses and screams of outrage everywhere.

"Bad Kaa-san."

"Yes, Naru-chan. Very bad Kaa-san." Shizune thought about covering his ears so he wouldn't hear the expletives being hurled between his mother and the irate drivers around them, but figured it was probably way too late to keep him innocent of curse words. He did live with Tsunade, after all.

†

"What a cute little boy!" Tamizawa-san exclaimed, spying Naruto playing with his stuffed frog on a blanket in the corner on the clinic. Tamizawa-san was a hypochondriac, Tsunade could tell. He'd come in complaining of malaria and he hadn't been to Ame in his LIFE.

"Naruto-chan recently turned two." She informed the older gentleman who knelt down beside the toddler and was reaching out to ruffle his hair.

"OUCH!" The man exclaimed, hurriedly pulling his hand back.

"Be careful," she sighed, "he bites." Great, now he'd probably be convinced he had tetanus or something.

Shizune dug out a piece of poster board and a marker and plopped it down beside the blanket. It read, "Beware of Baby."

"Good idea." Tsunade grinned.

"That's why you pay me the big bucks." Shizune deadpanned.

†

What had started out as a perfectly average day took a surprising turn after that. Shizune and Tsunade looked up at the sound of the bell over their door tinkling a welcome to see an ANBU with long red hair tied back in a low ponytail and an Otter mask stumble into the clinic, practically dragging her blood covered partner.

Tsunade's eyes widened, the man looked pretty bad, and even with the mask, the girl looked familiar. The only way that was possible was if they were residents of her old home village. 'Crap.'

"Tsunade-sama, please help us!" the girl gasped.

"Put him down in there!" The medic barked, pointing to the examination room behind her, "You're Konoha ninja, aren't you? Are you hurt anywhere? Where is the rest of your team?"

The woman laid her partner down as carefully as she could on the table. "We're from Leaf, yeah. That's why I brought him here –the mission we were on went totally to crap. We were cut off from the rest of our team and trying to hide on the western edge of the city. Lucky for us, I heard people talking about you being in town after the huge cart wreck this morning. It's taken me this long to get us here. I'm not hurt, but we can't risk being seen – this is black ops, and Lion-kun is practically hamburger! I couldn't move him very quickly without messing him up even more."

"Alright, get out of the way and let me take a look at him. Shizune! Bring Naru-chan in here so we can keep an eye on him! I'm going to need your help with this one." She cast a glance at the tired and dirty looking ANBU woman, "Sit down before you fall down, even if you're not hurt, you're obviously exhausted."

The woman nodded, "I'll be out in the other room…if you want, I can keep an eye on the kid for you, while you work."

She sighed, hearing Naruto's protests. He obviously didn't want to pause in his playing to relocate in there, "Well, you can try, but in your state, I doubt you're up to it. We'll just leave the door open in case you need help."

Otter-san blinked. How hard could it be to watch a baby? He'd seemed to be playing pretty quietly when they came in. She went to relieve Tsunade's apprentice of Naruto-sitting duties, and got a sinking feeling when she saw the 'Beware of Baby' sign.

†

Naruto looked up at her when she slid down the wall to sit beside him on the floor. He seemed to be attempting to completely cover a large red plush toy with as many plastic bandages as he could tear out of their packaging. He was doing a damn good job of it too.

"Well, Naruto-kun, are you playing Med-nin and patching up your frog?" Otter asked. She figured she might as well start up a conversation with the kid, as much as you could with a toddler. Maybe it would keep her awake. She hadn't slept in over 48 hours. They'd been on the run and she'd been worried her partner would die if she stopped giving him first aid.

"No." The little blond boy said. "He Orange."

"Oh…Okay…" Well, he was a toddler, who knew what went through kid's minds at that age. "He looks kind of red to me."

"Orange red." He agreed, covering up one huge bulging eye of the toy with a large gauze pad.

"Um, well, not really. He's a pretty bright red." 'Why am I arguing with a two-year-old about what color his plushie is?'

"Orange, no Orange?" He looked distinctly suspicious now, and not a little upset.

"Um, whatever you say, kid."

"K." He went back to clumsily wrapping the frog in medical tape.

Otter sighed and slid off her mask. It was technically a breach of protocol, but who was this little guy going to tell? Besides, the string was frayed and about to break so she'd have to find something else to fasten it with soon, and it was hot under there. She pushed her long red bangs off her face. She needed to get them trimmed; even her Whirlpool forehead protector wasn't holding them back much anymore and her hair clip was proving useless.

She leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment, only to startle them open again when she felt a weight on her lap. The kid had climbed up on her crossed legs and was reaching towards her face menacingly with a band-aid. "Er, thanks, but I don't need one." She gently caught his hand a for a moment their eyes met. The kid had really rare colored eyes. She'd only even see that shade on one other person. Come to think of it, they had the same shade of hair too.

She frowned and he mimicked her expression. Just to see if he'd keep it up, she threw him a cheeky grin, and her breath caught when he returned it, he looked just like – well, minus 25 years or so, but still –

"I must be more tired than I thought, Kid." She groaned and lifted him off her lap, "For a minute I thought you looked just like this jerk I used to be in love with…Ouch!" She glared at the baby beside her who was now frogless, "What the hell? Aren't babies supposed to be cute? Who do you think you are, throwing shit at me?"

"Lady bad!"

It was probably good things hadn't worked out between her and Minato. If they had, she might have found herself stuck with a little monster like this someday!

†

It was a few more hours until Tsunade strolled out of the medical room and scooped up her little demon spawn. "Your teammate is going to live, but it's a good thing you got him to us when you did. He wouldn't have made it all the way back to Leaf without medical help, and I'm guessing whatever mission you are on is off the books."

The redhead nodded, "we aren't sanctioned to seek outside aid, but you're still technically a Konoha shinobi, so…"

Tsunade nodded, "Sensei wouldn't mind you getting our help. Even the council wouldn't be able to complain. I won't ask what you were doing way out here; I know you can't tell me. You'll have to stay with us overnight, though, because Lion-san isn't going anywhere until at least tomorrow night. Shizune and I are good, but we aren't that good."

Otter sighed, but she'd expected something like that. "Thanks for putting me up, Doc."

"No problem." Tsunade frowned down at the woman who had forgotten to put her mask back on. "You're Uzumaki Kushina, aren't you?" She swatted at Naruto's hand when he attempted to grab one of her ponytails to chew on.

The ANBU looked stunned for a moment, before realizing her face wasn't covered. "Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm Kushina. I saw you around a lot when I was growing up. You hung out with Minato's sensei, Jiraiya, a lot."

Tsunade dodged a wildly flailing Orange with expert ease. She felt kind of bad for the girl in front of her, almost like she'd stolen the life she was meant to have. She jiggled the son that could have been the redhead's on her hip, then chewed on her lip for a minute. "Well, come on. Shizune's got a spare set of clothes in the back. You can shower and change back there, and then Naru-chan and I will take you to get something to eat. You look like you could use a good meal." '-and it's the least I can do.' She mentally added.

"Really? Great! Can we get ramen?"

Tsunade blinked. She must really like ramen to want something like that after what she'd obviously just been through. "Eh, sure. It's not exactly the best thing for a kid as young as Naru-chan, but it won't hurt him to eat it once or twice."

The woman levered herself up gracelessly and threw the mother and son a grin, "Awesome! Thanks, Doc!" she scampered out of the room in the direction Tsunade had indicated.

"It's a good thing that weirdo tomboy isn't your mommy, isn't it Naru-chan? You'd probably grow up to be a mannerless, ramen eating freak!"

"K!" Naruto cheered.

"What? NO, I didn't mean you should try to do that!"

"Kaa-san, Bad!"

"ARGH!"

†

It didn't take long for Kushina to wash up and change and before Naruto and Tsunade could really get into it, they were on their way to the nearest ramen stand. The Sannin found herself unsurprised that even half-dead with exhaustion and worry over her partner, the kunoichi had made a mental note of the stand's location when they'd passed it on their way to get medical help.

Tsunade grimaced as they slid under the curtains and grabbed stools at the counter. Naruto wouldn't have stood a chance with this girl as his mother. He'd have had ramen eating genes coming at him from both directions. He'd probably have eaten instant ramen for BREAKFAST if they'd been his parents, and knowing Minato, he'd probably have let it happen.

Kushina noticed the look on her escort's face as she motioned for the cook to get her two bowls of miso noodles, "Don't you like ramen, Doc?"

"Huh? It's not my favorite food, but I like it well enough. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's just that you made a face when we sat down." The ANBU watched the toddler in Tsunade's arms delicately sniff the air like a cat, his eyes getting bigger and shinier with each breath.

"Ah," the Sannin settled the kid a little more comfortably on her lap and pointed to the pork ramen on the menu when the chef looked in her direction. "It's not that. It's just that ramen reminds me of Naruto's father…He used to eat it a lot."

'Jeeze, Kushina! Way to stick your foot in your mouth!' She berated herself. Everyone was always telling her she needed more tact. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up a subject that's painful for you or something."

Her comment was waved off, "it's not that big of a deal. We weren't all that close, though he definitely had his good points, and at times I admired him quite a bit. In the end, he was a complete moron."

"Er? I'm sorry?" She had no idea how to respond to that.

"Yeah, me too…"

Kushina thought the look Tsunade was giving her was a little strange, but before she could comment on it, her food arrived, "Alright! Itadakimasu!"

"WANT!" Naruto exclaimed, madly trying to wiggle onto the counter and claw his way towards the kunoichi's ramen.

Tsunade groaned. This was DEFINITELY a bad idea. She had a feeling she'd be paying for this one for YEARS to come.

Kushina grinned and playfully flicked her chopsticks at the kid, spattering him with broth. Maybe the little brat wasn't so bad after all.

†

Nothing else very eventful happened during the rest of her stay with the Senju. Once Tsunade had shown her back to their little rental, she'd fallen asleep on the couch pretty much as soon as she'd seen it, and slept until her partner woke her up the next day. They were both eager to get back to Konoha and find out what happened to their other two teammates.

"Take care of yourselves, and don't push it on the way back." Tsunade lectured her patient. "If you reopen those wounds and Otter's got to drag your ass back here, I'll let Naru-chan be the one to stitch you back up." She warned the poor man.

Kushina winced, that was harsh! She adjusted the cloak on her shoulders and knelt down in front of the toddler standing beside his mother's apprentice and playfully tweaked his nose. "You take care, Naru-chan! Eat lots of ramen and grow big and strong so you can come back to Konoha one day and join my division! You'll be a terror on the battlefield, I can tell!"

"K." Naruto grinned and pulled a bandage off of Orange and stuck it over one of the eyeholes on her mask before she could even register what he was doing. She chuckled – the kid had a nice set of reflexes for his age!

She straightened up and peeled the plastic off her mask while Shizune scooped Naruto up off of the ground. "Wave bye-bye to Otter-san, and Lion-san."

One chubby fist opened and closed rapidly in their general direction and both hardened ANBU internally 'awww'-ed. He was just too cute.

They returned the wave, and Kushina couldn't help but smile under her mask. She was definitely interested in seeing how that little guy turned out. She really hoped he ended up back in Konoha!

†

* * *

Japanese Notes:

Itadakimasu - Traditional phrase said before eating.


End file.
